Infectious anxiety

Have you ever noticed how anxiety seems to be infectious in your family?

Many people end up seeking professional help for their anxious child, only to discover on reflection that anxiety seems to be running rife throughout their whole family.

Keeping anxiety at a manageable level for some families can feel a bit like trying to keep an octopus in a string bag. This is perhaps even more the case during this time of pandemic.

Anxiety is increasingly commonplace in everyday life

According to a Guardian newspaper article published in September 2020, anxiety in the UK has increased hugely since 2008.

Anxiety disorders for children have now become the most common psychological problem, overtaking other categories such as depression or behaviour problems.

This childhood anxiety can have an impact on a child’s ability to learn and attend school, on their social skills and on family life in general. It is one of the most common reasons why parents bring their children to family therapy.

Of course, some anxiety is necessary to keep us safe and alert us to possible dangers. Some anxiety can help motivate us, producing the adrenaline we need to get things done.

Anxiety affects all the family

But it is when anxiety becomes disproportionate to the situations we are in and stops us doing the things we want to, reducing our opportunities for living and growing, that it becomes a problem. And this can have an impact on the whole family.

In therapy, I encourage families to reflect on the ways all family members are affected by anxiety. We might consider what the triggers are and the strategies that have been used that have been helpful so far.

Some families find it helpful to think about sharing the task of managing anxiety between them; it can be helpful for anxious children to hear that others in their family have had similar experiences.

Sometimes our anxiety as parents rubs off on our children giving them the message that they live in a dangerous world and need to be on high alert to stay safe.

Tackling anxiety step by step can introduce positive change

As both a professional and a parent I have learned the importance of challenging anxiety in small steps.

This could mean encouraging the anxious person to take small risks and reducing the cycle of reassurance that often becomes a habit from one family member to another but equally seems to have no lasting effect.

If this is done in a loving and open way, it can have the best chance of success. It is not about denying the presence of anxiety but rather acknowledging it and challenging it within the safety and security of a supportive family environment.